Sunday, February 4, 2007

My "First Mom".....Viola Edwards/Fowler

This picture is my "first" Mom. I don't remember her at all. It's strange, but I miss her.

I was adopted when I was very little, I think I was 3 or 4 years old. We were all taken from our Mom when I was around 2 yrs old. I knew right from the start that I was adopted. I was adopted with my "real" brother, he was 2 yrs younger than me.

I can not remember anything from the time before I was adopted, I only had one or two memories, that's all I still have. I had nightmares for years, after I was adopted, almost every night. I would wake up screaming and crying. I don't know why.

My brother's room was right across the hallway from me. He is 2 years younger than me, and I always kept him close by, to watch over him. Lots of nights I'd fall asleep in the hallway between mine and my brother's rooms, or we would both sleep in that hallway, right under the window looking outside.

When I was growing up I used to wonder what happened to my "real" mom and dad, where did they go? Why were we adopted?? What did I do?? Was it MY fault?? What was my mom doing now? Where was she living? Was she living? So many questions, no answers. I kept telling myself that one day I would find my MOM, I dreamt about it, I thought about it a lot.

I wish I could have had the chance to meet my Mom. I would have liked to tell her that my brother and I were in a good home. She didn't have to worry about us. I found out that my Mom died as a result of a car accident in 1972, so I won't ever get that chance.

One day I would like the chance to visit her grave. It's very far from where I live right now, almost 3,000 miles. I would like to put flowers on her grave. Maybe some day I'll get that opportunity. I wish my Mom could know that some of us siblings have found each other again, and we are trying very hard to find the rest. I think she would be happy to know that.

Our parents were good to us, we were not mistreated, or abused. We were very fortunate. I didn't realize these things at the time, but now I do. I now appreciate the things our parents did for us, and the lessons they taught us growing up. We didn't do without a lot of things, which we would have if they hadn't adopted us. I love my parents, and am grateful for everything they've done for us. They taught us many things, which we didn't appreciate while growing up.

I love the parents that adopted us, they are my Mom and Dad and always will be.

I also love my "first" Mom.